But damn if anyone gives two hoots that you managed, in a single, insignificant motion, to firmly embed a microscopic bit of plunger handle into the side of your middle finger while trying to sink oversized golden retriever excrement into the toilet without flooding the bathroom! Nope. Zero hoots.Read More
Let’s get real for a moment, shall we? A real effing Valentine moment. A moment that will likely be interrupted by a small, slimy child, a text from your boss outlining a {mandatory} opportunity for you to get some extra hours on your only scheduled day off or the unmistakable yack/splat sound of dog vomit hitting the floor.
I’m just going to go ahead and assume that you clicked on this post because you relate. Or because you know me personally. Or that it was quite by accident. However it happened, just understand that I’m about to get real honest.
Sometimes life is a complete shit show. Also, February is a HORRIBLE month to focus on love. You’re sick for the billionth time, freezing your ass off, fatter than you’ve ever been and perpetually in another financial month of NOT recovering from Christmas. “What’s that ?” asks the Universe. “Your life needs to be a bit more challenging? Allow me to pop your teenage daughter’s car in a creek and give your dog worms. Also, as a special bonus, I’ll let all the stink bugs in the world know that your home is a perfect place to get out of the cold.”
Then you see an ad. It will say something like this:
“Spice up your Valentines Day with sexy portraits of yourself without a bad attitude, damaged hair, scaly skin or ass zits!! Only one miiiillllion dollars”<Read More
